Simply Junior

One of the most frustrating things when planning a wedding can be friends and family that chime in with things that you absolutely “have to have” at your wedding. While most friends and family are very well meaning, that doesn’t mean that they don’t ramp up your stress significantly.

Anytime you hear a sentence begin with “Are you going to….” or “You should have….” picture a giant red flag waving in front of your face. Suggestions that start like this are sure to be budget busters.

Sure, when these comments or suggestions come from people outside of your inner circle, it’s not hard to discount them. Just say thank you and “that’s an idea I’ll think about” and do what it is that you had planned on. But, dealing with suggestions of close friends or family members can be a bit more tricky. You may not know the best way to gently tell them that their suggestion doesn’t fit into your budget. Be really careful here – this outside pressure can and is generally responsible for couples going over their budget. You’ve got to find a way to let these people down gently and not fall prey to the pressure their suggestions often put on you. Sure, it may easier to give in, but just think about the extra bills you’ll have on your hands after you are married.

5 Tips To Deal With Pushy Friends And Family

1. Gee, that’s a great suggestion, but our budget is really tight

This type of response will eliminate thoughts the person making the suggesting may have that you are singling out their suggestion as not being worthy. Some people will challenge you that their suggestion won’t cost all that much. If you’ve done your homework, you’ll likely know what their suggestion will cost and can let them know the actual cost. Show them your budget if you think that will help.

2. Let people know in advance that you won’t be inviting people that you don’t know very well

This will eliminate or at least help cushion the blow when various family members want long lost relatives invited. If you’ve not seen someone for 10 years, does it make sense to spend money to include them in your wedding? In many cases, a simple announcement will suffice. This will also let the long lost relative know that you are not ignoring them.

3. Let people know that you’ve already made many tough decisions on the guest list and that you really can’t squeeze anymore in.

This approach is best used when someone you invited asks if it would be OK for them to bring an additional guest. This approach will also show that you’ve put a lot of thought into your guest list. Perhaps you can offer to go out to dinner with those that you simply aren’t able to add to the guest list. Sure, it’s not the wedding, but it’ll show that you care about these people.

4. We’ve decided that we will only be inviting family and close friends

This approach works well when a family member or friend wants to have clients or other business associates attend the wedding. If you allow these extraneous guests to attend, you’re sure to blow your budget. This approach also lets people know that this is your wedding and that you have the final say.

5. Say “that’s a nice idea, but I simply don’t have the time or money for it”

This works well if your mother in law or close friend wants you to make favors or centerpieces or some such thing. Letting them know you don’t have the time is a great way to deflect this type of suggestion. As an added benefit, people with these type of suggestions may offer to do it themselves – saving you money in this area of the budget. Assuming they are planning on paying for all the materials, that is.

Remember, this is your celebration and your money. It’s always nice to say yes when you can, but by all means, don’t bow to the pressure others put on you just to keep them happy because it’ll be coming out of your pocket!

Of course, one of the best ways to shortstop pushy friends and family members is to communicate with them before they can make budget busting suggestions.

I’ve found that one of the best ways to jump on top of this before it becomes an issue is to share your budget with your friends and family as soon as you put it together. Definitely share it with those who are may be helping you pay for the wedding. Doing so will show these folks that you are on top of things and will have a very clear understanding of the limits you’ve set. Most clear thinking people will not saddle you with suggestions that are out of your budget when they know what your budget is.

What Is a Budget?

The purpose of a budget is to give you control of your own money. With a budget, you actively decide what will be spent, and where your money can best be put to good use. There is nothing like the good feeling you get when you are in control of your money, rather than your activities and expenses controlling you.

What Is a Budget Plan?

A budget plan is a plan where you formally draw up a plan for expenditures for a given period of time, usually one year. The budget process includes all income sources and how that income will be allocated to expense categories. The biggest problem or hurdle with budget planning is to stick with it. Most families do not plan to fail, they fail to plan. A good plan will provide an excellent road map for success. A budget is just a tool and periodically, it needs to be fine tuned.

What Are Income Sources?

Do you know where your income is coming from and how much it is? Do you know what should be included as income? Here is a guideline regarding what should be included as income.

Wages. This is your net pay from all paychecks. How do you get paid: weekly, bi-weekly (every two weeks), bi-monthly (twice a month) or monthly. Retirement income. Interest and investment income. Do not include this unless it is consistently the same yearly. Alimony. Do not include this unless you consistently receive it and there is no reason to believe you won’t. Bonuses, a raise or overtime pay from your employer. Do not include these since they could be discontinued at anytime. Tips. Do not include this unless you can average the amount based on what you received in prior years.

What Are Expenses?

Expenses include everything you spend. Do you know how much you are spending for categories such housing, transportation, food, clothing, entertainment, child care, medical expenses, charity and debt? Are you overspending for non essentials and thus not able to meet your necessary obligations?

Based on US News and World Report for budget allocations, the following is a guideline for how budget expenses should be allocated:

35% Housing - Includes: mortgage or rent, utilities, insurance, taxes and home maintenance. 20% Transportation - Includes: car payments, auto insurance, tag & license fees, maintenance, gasoline, tolls and parking. 28% Other - Includes: food (12), clothing (3), entertainment (5), child care, medical expenses (5) and charity (3). 15% Debt - Includes: student loans, retail installment contracts, credit cards, personal loans, tax debts, medical debts and alimony payments. 2% Savings - You should plan to save this amount throughout your working years, with a goal to increase it to 10%.

How does your spending compare to the guideline? Or is it impossible to determine because you have no idea where your money is going and how to even categorize it?

Here is a list that will help you categorize your expenses.

Fixed ExpensesThese are expenses you have little control over.

Utilities: Phone, disposal, water, electricity, gas heat, sewer

Home: Mortgage (usually includes insurance and property taxes) if not, insurance and property taxes

Health: Dental, health, life, and eye insurance (these items are usually covered by payroll deduction) if not, than add them here.

Income Taxes: Include Federal, state, local and FICA taxes only if you are self-employed.

Additional Outstanding Debt: student loans, retail installment contracts, credit cards, personal loans, medical debts and alimony payments.

Non-fixed Expenses

These are expenses you have more control over.

Food: Groceries, lunch, eating out, snacks, and date night.

Child support: Day care, babysitting and alimony payments (if it applies to you).

Transportation: Gasoline, maintenance, repairs, tolls, taxis, subway, fees and insurance premiums for all vehicles.

Debt Payments: Credit cards, Student loans, other loans.

Entertainment: Cable TV, Computer expense, software, hobbies, dues, subscriptions, videos, movies & admission fees, amusement parks, and vacations.

Clothing: Children and parents.

School: Books, supplies, fees and gym expenses.

Pet Expenses: Food, Grooming, board, Vet shots (if this applies to you).

Miscellaneous Items: Toiletries, household products, gifts, church, other donations, grooming (haircuts, make-up etc.) birthday and anniversary cards, children’s allowance, spouse expense money (amount for each spouse to be spent by them for any reason without explanation) and insurance premiums (not covered by payroll deduction).

Savings: Emergency fund, savings for retirement or children’s college fund and vacation fund.

If you are still unable to determine how you are spending your income, keep track of your expenses for a couple of months or until you can more accurately list your expenses.

Create Your Budget Plan

You are ready to create your monthly budget plan. Using budget software or a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet will aid the process. The budget plan will be divided into monthly buckets. Take your total planned income for the year and divide it by 12. Take your planned categorized expenses based on prior actual expenses and divide the categorized expenses by 12. Enter your total income in monthly columns; then enter your total expenses in monthly columns. Compare planned monthly income with planned monthly expenses. The total monthly expenses must not exceed the total monthly income amounts. If expenses exceed income, planned expenses must be decreased. A good budget plan should show planned expenses less than or equal to planned income.

Share Plan with Family

Sit down with the entire family and provide them copies of the proposed family budget plan. If your children are under the age of 5, do not include them unless they are receiving an allowance. Go over all the details of the plan. Provide information on what will be done with raises, bonuses, and overtime income if received during the year.

Tell the family that this is a plan and is not cast in stone. Indicate that adjustments may be made during the year. Answer all questions. Get each family members buy in. Then, STICK WITH YOUR PLAN. If any major situation should come up, hold another family conference and explain to them the situation.

If you are single, make a commitment to STICK WITH YOUR PLAN. Make adjustments as needed.

What To Do With Amounts in Budget Plan Not Spent For a Given Month?

This is a real good question. As your budget plan is followed throughout the year, there will be months in which you will not spend a planned expense. When this occurs, do not spend this money on something for which it was not designated. Most families have a tendency to spend the money on some other item. To prevent this from happening, keep the unspent planned expense amount in a savings account. When the need for paying the planned expense occurs, the money will be available to transfer from savings into the checking account.

Conclusion

If you follow the process above you will begin to take control of your expenses and have a road map for greater success. As you continue the process year after year, you will see new spending control trends. You will become successful in controlling your spending. Remember, most people do not plan to fail, they just fail to plan.